Finding Himself
by FlowerofAdversity
Summary: Since there was no category for Reign Over Me, this is probably one of the few fanfics written about it. The only reason this is rated M is because of the context, post 911 world and the tragedy Charlie faces.


Finding Himself

Note: A "Reign Over Me" fan-fiction. Inasmuch as I throughly enjoyed this film, I wasn't quite satisfied with the ending. After Charlie Fineman's psychological evaluation comes to an end, he finally enters the 'real world' once again to be welcomed back by his friend, Alan. Also, the vision of loveliness that enters his life, Donna Remar, has been waiting for him patiently.

"If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman ? If I'm alive and well, will you be  
there holding my hand ?"—from 3 Doors Down's "Kryptonite"

Chapter 1—I Told You Not to Wait

Charlie had never gone back to being a dentist like he had planned, but he was now working at an old vinyl store that also sold antiques. It was his sanctuary from the outside world after his psychological analysis. Charlie Fineman wouldn't completely be "normal" or "whole" in the purest sense of those words, but he was functioning and surviving as all human beings do after a devastating loss. He had once lost his faith, and then his mind, but he had regained one of the two. At least, he thought to himself, music is what keeps me going, and it lends me strength.

One night after spending some time with Alan once again and catching up with him, he was reintroduced to Donna. He became slightly upset with Alan, wondering why Donna was with him.

"I told you not to wait for me !", he seethed, pounding his fist on the table. She unexpectedly touched his hand and stroked it.

"I know you did, but I didn't listen. Please, don't be angry. When I first met you I was afraid to even touch you at first, but I fell for you…", Donna said, finding it hard to look into Charlie's dark eyes. It took him aback and he didn't know what to say.

"Just go out on a date with her, Charlie. What can it hurt ?", Alan suggested. Charlie bit his lip, and then laughed nervously.

"True. What can it hurt ?", Charlie agreed. He was a little awkward about taking her hand for the first time, but he had improved so much since he had been hospitalized. He no longer saw his wife and children wherever he looked. Though they were in his heart and mind, slowly, he had been able to let them go. Perhaps, he pondered, maybe it isn't so bad to roll with the punches and see what happens. Just so long as Donna didn't leave him so tragically as his wife had. Again, the visions flooded him momentarily, but with one blink, they had disappeared.

Chapter 2—We're Living in the Now, Sweetheart

Charlie had kept his scooter in his apartment since he had refurbished it and been able to buy a car. It was a beater, but at least it got him from point A to point B.

He wasn't expecting to take Donna to anyplace expensive, and she understood. The two stopped at a local pizza joint to have a bite together and simply talked. Alan had gone elsewhere to pick up his daughter and spend time with his family for the holidays.

Donna noticed that Charlie was smiling and laughing more than he had in the past, and his appearance was even more handsome and appealing than before. He had taken time to take care of his unkempt hair and his grizzly 4'oclock shadow, but as usual he kept his headphones close by if he needed them. Surprisingly, he wasn't using them hardly at all and listening to every word Donna had to say. It seemed that he was able to talk more freely about himself and how his job was working for him.

"So, the record shop is treating you well I see ?", Donna said, smiling sweetly. Her curves made him blush momentarily, and he was caught off guard by her ample breasts, every breath she took he could smell her perfume from where he was sitting.

"Yes, life is good. I am thinking of higher education, too. Supposedly, there are some courses I could take from a community college nearby. I might be able to become a dentist after all.", Charlie stated, with some optimism.

"That's excellent news. I am awfully happy for you.", Donna answered, smiling sweetly. Her expression seemed to ease the pain even more for him. She didn't dare ask him about his relationship with his mother and father-in-law because she already knew that it was strained. But at least now, they were closer and spoke more often over the phone. They hardly ever saw each other, but at least they had contact audibly.

Spontaneously, Charlie had decided to take Donna to a film festival that was featuring some of Monty Python's funniest works. Donna wasn't certain she would enjoy the humor of the film festival, but she didn't want to offend Charlie. Surprisingly she loved every moment of the different type of humor that was presented in each film. She found herself lost in the wittiness of it and the genius of the actors and writers combined. Her sides hurt so much from laughter that she nearly forgot she had a meeting with her local book club.

"Oh, crap !", she said, looking at her watch.

"What's wrong, Donna ?", Charlie questioned, as he drove her home.

"I forgot about that damned meeting…", she said, feeling chagrined.

"Meetings come and go, we're living in the now, sweetheart.", Charlie stated, profoundly. She never thought of such a thing that way, but ever since she had known Charlie, he had always changed her perspective on life, and opened her eyes to the simpler things. The minutes they had now, those were what was truly precious.

"Thank you for the date, Charlie. I hope we can do this again sometime.", she said, hugging him. Charlie then did something even more unexpected. He leaned forward and tenderly kissed her, drinking her in like a fine wine.

"Think nothing of it…", he said, winked, and then, in a flash, was gone like dust in the wind.

Chapter 3—Phobias

Donna and Charlie's relationship was good, most of the time, but Charlie still had "episodes" every now and then. These episodes never lasted too terribly long, but Charlie kept so many things hidden. Donna didn't wish to pry at Charlie's private mind, but if he was ever to fully recover, she would have to do some digging. The only person who knew him well was Alan. And thanks to Alan, Charlie had been able to return to school and become a dentist as he had planned initially.

"Alan, there is still so much I don't understand about him. I want to commit to a new stage in our relationship, but it is far more difficult than I ever imagined.", Donna said.

"Shit, maybe I shouldn't have gotten you two together.", Alan said, not realizing he had cursed in front of her. In this day and age, hearing him curse every so often wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

"No, no. What you did is honorable. But, I don't know whether I should continue as we are or…", Donna said, beginning to get irritated. Alan swore softly to himself, wondering if it was his fault that everything had happened so quickly.

"I never should've gotten you involved.", Alan stated, his countenance beginning to fall. Just then, Charlie walked in and sat down to have a drink of coffee with them.

"Hi, Charlie ! We were just…erm…talking about you.", Alan said, weakly.

"Oh that is a crock and you know it. You were hitting on my sweet Donna, weren't you ? Weren't you, you sly dog ?", Charlie questioned, with a sly grin. In essence, he was giving a verbal nudge to his best friend, the only guy who had come to know him so well. In fact, Alan was the only person who truly _knew_ Charlie; as well as his dark phobias. And sooner or later, Donna was about to be exposed to them too, for better or for worse.

Chapter 4—Through the Mire of Darkness

Eventually, in a couple more years, Charlie had decided to marry Donna. But soon after, his ghosts had come to haunt him again. He was seeing his wife's face in that of Donna's and there were phantom girls running about. This wasn't anything to be concerned about, since he had done so before after the 9/11 attacks. But, sometimes, for Donna the experience had been unnerving. Certainly she had felt the numbness in her heart after she had seen the Trade Center explode as it had and how devastating the event had been. But, she hadn't felt how much a human heart can break or how powerful love can be. There was no method of causing him to forget, even if they had begun living a happy life.

Still at night, Charlie had nightmares. Sometimes he would wake up, screaming,

"God damn it, why couldn't it have been me !", and he would realize he was drenched in a cold sweat, shaking. Donna calmed him, as well as their baby, Savanna, down. Savanna was still so young, she didn't understand what was going on, but strangely, Savanna would be the one thing that brought Charlie Fineman out of his misery, miracle of miracles that she was.

Chapter 5—Slow, But Sure Recovery

As it had been with his three-year stay in the psychiatric ward, Charlie had a penchant for swearing for no reason. He only did so whenever he became mad, but he was less and less involved with his own world and more involved in others now that he had a steady career. He was still working in the vinyl store part time beyond his trade in dentistry. Yet, nothing made him happier than to see his little girl, Savanna. He had watched what he said around her. He knew, even in her infancy, she would be impressionable, so he was cautious. To be honest, Donna was surprised, but she was relieved. Not since their wedding day had he been this upbeat.

Day by day, Charlie seemed to evolve, and Donna as well. Alan even stopped by to check on his old friend, and was inspired by how the family was growing. His "episodes" were little, if anything to be spoken of. From time to time, stories about 9/11 or movies about it would make him teary eyed and he had to leave the room to be alone with his music, or video games. He was still playing video games, and he had gotten addicted to _Halo 3_ as of late. To Alan, it seemed strange, however. _Halo 3_ was such a violent, gory, game, yet he had no trouble with slaughtering the enemies that he faced. Then it hit him,

"This is all fantasy, and he knows it can't hurt him. All in all, I suppose a little fantasy is good for an ailing mind.", he thought, and joined in with him. Little Savanna and his young daughter wouldn't be able to join in until they were of the right age. They would have to much older and more mature to handle the difference between the real world and the realm of video games.

Epilogue 

As the years went by, Charlie was the proud father of his darling Savanna and her younger brother, Matthew. Charlie had never been the father of a son before, so adapting to the little boy's needs was a challenge at first. But like Savanna, Matthew idolized his father and was close to his mother as well. There were still moments he called them both by the wrong names and Savanna would ask questions of why. Charlie could never quite eke out the words to answer Savanna's questions, but Donna was extremely supportive in giving her the truth, hoping one day she would understand it. Matthew too, would be asking the same questions one day, but at least for now, the two of them were prepared for anything.

Charlie still had nightmares even though he knew his "new family" wasn't ever going to leave him. His latest psychiatric evaluation went rather well and he had been able to reunite with his in-laws more often than before. They were pleased to see such improvement with their son-in-law though they knew socializing with them made him remember elements he'd much rather forget. With the family he had now though, the transition seemed more natural, and less forced. Tragically, he would never fully be cured of his post traumatic stress syndrome, but his family would always be there, protecting him, uplifting and upholding him through the difficult times. And in this world where so much was uncertain, he had found himself and what life truly was.

Life was taking one day at a time, counting one's blessings, and of course, music and love. Who ever would've thought the universe could be dissected so simply ? Only one man, who survived tragedy and strove through it through faith, knew this all too well.

The End


End file.
